Have you ever had a Psychologist or a counselor try to put colors to your feelings? Something like…

“What color coincides with what you’re feeling?”

Well, today that color for me is red.

I chose this color because I have a visitor. The kind you only see once a month. Along with the flow and the cramping… I am simply grumpy as hell.

Every little thing makes me want to yell. I also have terrible language, so at least 80% of the words coming out of my mouth are curse words.

My poor child. I really try to limit the things I say around him, but I am truly struggling.

Now, my mood isn’t like this every time. Just once in a while. Sometimes I wonder if I am just holding so much anger in, that I lose it all every months when my period shows. I wish I had more control over my emotions. it’s hard not to get irritated when you have a toddler, so that’s where patience is supposed to come in, but even that has been incredibly thin to me.

I look at my child at the end of the day and wish I could apologize and explain, I guess. But I don’t have the words because I’m not really sure how to explain it myself.

Simply saying, “Mom didn’t feel good today. I’m sorry for being distant, and yelling more than usual.” It feels like an excuse. And it’s not a good one.

Am I in this alone?