I am not the best parent. I’ll be honest. My language is terrible, my patience is sometimes very thin, and I’ve thought about throwing my whole child on those days when he chooses violence. (That is a joke for some of you sensitive hearts… just be clear.)

I do everything I can to make sure my child is safe, happy and well taken care of… I don’t necessarily think that his father is…. on the same page as me.


Dad is fun. That’s the simple way to put it. Dad comes every Saturday… maybe… most of the time, and spends four hours out of the day with my son. OUR son. It’s usually spent at my house, and they just run around playing. Sometimes, his dad is back and forth between him and his phone. (Kind of annoying, but what can I do.)

Dad sends me $50 a week for taking care of OUR son. He doesn’t do too much extra beyond that. And sometimes it’s a problem when I ask for something additional.

His father reaches out to him on occasion, maybe a few times out of the month on his own. For the most part, OUR son reaches out to him first.


Winter is near. The freezing cold is creeping up on us and because I have been out of work for a year and a half, doing little projects to help with whatever we needed, I was not prepared.

That is one of the worst feelings as a single parent. Being unprepared to take care of your child; knowing what is needed and knowing you can’t afford it. At the beginning of Fall I had asked his father if he could get him a coat, as I was already struggling with the normal day to day bills. He had agreed. Now the time was here, and he wasn’t saying no, but we had a disagreement on the type of coat.

Let me tell you what happened.

I had a video chat with him while I was in Burlington. I showed him the coats that I was looking at. He asked, “How much are these coats?” The cheapest one I saw, was $40. He says, “I want to get him a coat like mine. It’s name brand. Let’s go half on it.” I’m already thinking, I shouldn’t have to go half. I take care of him everyday. When I can’t count on you, which is most of the time, I figure it out. I carry the stress of raising him. I suffer from sleepless nights when he’s sick. I discipline him when he decides to not be on his best behavior. I feed him, wash him, cloth him… So naturally I ask… how much is it? “$95”.

No. I said no. It’s $95, plus the shipping. And I still have to wait for it to get here, and temperatures are dropping this weekend. So I say, “I’m not going half. If you want to get him that coat, that’s on you. But he needs one now.” He follows that with….

“If I pay for it, I shouldn’t have to pay you the $50 for two weeks.” At this point I’m upset.

“That’s not how that works. Never mind. I got it.” And I end the call.

I am at this point where I am tired of trying to get my point across to him. I don’t feel I am being greedy. I don’t ask for much extra, because I don’t want to need him. I don’t want to feel like I am forcing you to be a dad and to do things a father should be doing for their child whether he’s with the other parent or not. It’s exhausting. It’s sad.

And I did it. I got him a coat. I found something a little cheaper, and yes, the money could have gone to some other things that I needed, but my son, comes first. Just as I figured out the coat, I’ll figure out the rest. With my new job starting on Monday, hopefully he wont hear from me very much at all.

OUR son, is MY son.

I don’t think you can try to claim ownership of him if you can’t help take care of him when it’s needed.

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